Invalidating statements

You’re not indefinitely available to other people whenever they want to vent about something. If someone asks you specifically how you are doing, what’s wrong, or what you think. After all, you were comfortable enough with that feeling to share it! Instead of looking at their own reaction and owning up to their own discomfort when you talk about something that’s “too” emotional — the other person blames you. Just remember, you deserve better than emotional censorship. Hi Melissa - Unless I am interacting with a therapist or someone I know won’t censor me, I’ve learned it’s best to automatically respond with an “I’m okay”. But you don’t have a problem with feeling the way you do.You become someone else’s problem when you voice what they can’t accept in their own self. Or you might see how uncomfortable they actually are, and rethink how you can (casually) relate to them. It’s tough sometimes to not respond with cliche advice when people say they are down.

It is possible to be true to yourself and disagree with someone and still validate them - with sentences like: “I would have handled this differently, but I can understand why you were so angry”, or “I see this is important to you, but I just don't think I can live with it. ” Validation, on the other hand, is a powerful tool that you can use to build intimacy with your spouse, and cooperation with co-workers.

Often we do things and we don’t even realize we’re doing them - like invalidating our spouse or co-workers.

Statements like: “That is a ridiculous idea” or “You are way too sensitive” are invalidating.

Or it can be non verbal: like rolling your eyes, looking at your watch, or drumming your fingers while someone is talking to you.

Validation, on the other hand, is acknowledging a person's right to think or feel a certain way, even it you don't agree with them.