Consider that this co-parenting situation with your former spouse is a spiritual test. When we are trying to cope with a stressful event or stressful people we can go into three modes of unhealthy responses.
The immediate goal is to resolve the current issue, but the ultimate goal is to walk away from any interaction no matter how unpleasant with a greater connection to your soul. We can go into flight - withdraw physically or emotionally, we can go into fight mode - attack or defend or we can freeze, stay put but go physically numb and block out most of what is happening.
Do this by taking responsibility for yourself, and give up expecting the other to behave differently.
If you don't give up trying to fix them, get them to understand or validate your hard work, you will continue to feel powerless and a victim of your former spouse's behavior.
As you learn more about yourself you will grow and your children will benefit from your healthy modeling behavior.
It will take determination and self-control but it will lead to a healthier "you." Here are some tools to keep with you and practice when faced with difficult behavior from your former spouse.
While interacting with your former spouse speak slowly during the conversation, this will keep your centered and calm.
Using the term "the children's father or mother is better than referring to them as your "ex." When possible, disengage in all areas except co-parenting.
They have never really let go of their mates and will hang on for dear life all the while undermining your ability to co-parent with them and move on to a new life.
Below are 7 tips and guidelines to help you recognize the actions of a toxic ex-wife or husband: Even though you are divorced they still feel they have a right to know what you are doing and who you are doing it with. Your children will be questioned about what you are doing with your life.
When all else fails it is better to let the person know that you would like to set up another time to work this through.
You must be willing to see how you are contributing to your own distress.